Kong is Wrong.

I love movies. I'll admit, I love pop culture, even if it's shallow and displays virtually none of the values that I aspire to live my life by. I love great action movies and movies that can bring you to the very center of those universal themes that we humans have struggled with as long as we have existed.

So when Peter Jackson--who created absolute magic with Lord of the Rings--decides to remake King Kong, I was up for seeing it. Really, having seen the original and the 70s remake (poor Jessica Lange to be stuck in that one) I figured I knew what I was in for but that "movie magic" would compensate.

No, it didn't. After three hours the best thing about it was the free refills on the large diet Coke and the bathroom breaks I had to take which allowed me to escape this freak show. Even the large grossout factor of gigantic attacking cockroaches and eagle-sized killer bats can't make up for the romantic ice skating date Anne has with Kong in Central Park. Honestly, once I figured out the ape was going to save me from the rampaging T-rexes, I'd go along with him, but when he keeps chasing after me and killing everyone in his path to get to me, I'd be urging the ship captain to harpoon him more than once. And I know everyone likes Jack Black, and he was great in "School of Rock", but geeze, the maniacal eyebrows are old by the time the ship sets sail. And Adrian Brody won an OSCAR, for crying out loud...why he is in this film? Are we really supposed to BELIEVE this inter-species love story?

Mr. Jackson, you look great after losing all that weight while filming this movie, but it really does stink. I know that everyone who hates it won't know they hate it until after they've paid their $8.50 so you'll still make millions, but don't do this again. The worst part is that I'd go see another movie of his, hoping this was an aberration. The best part was the X-Men 3 trailer--which I will encourage anyone to see (the movie, that is, not just the trailer) because it's a terrifically fun popcorn movie and Hugh Jackman is in it.

But skip Kong--you can get that much Diet Coke cheaper somewhere else.