No-No, Valentine!

No Valentine's Day in Iraq, either.

On February 14th we had Friendship Day at our school.  Students could pay 10SR for the privilege of not wearing their uniform that day (the money goes to charity) and were decked out in reds and pinks.  It's so strange to see them all out of uniform, and some little ones (or their parents) took full advantage and decked themselves out in fancy dresses and styled hair.

Valentine's Day is forbidden here.  Islamic code strictly prohibits any public display of affection between sexes is completely taboo and men and women are completely segregated (which is why Mark could place his falafel order inside a street shop, but I had to give my order through a window because I wasn't allowed inside).  The muttawa (or religious police, which are officially known as the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice) patrolled the shops for red roses, heart-shaped decorations or gifts, and Valentine's chocolates.  Of course, I'm sure shopkeepers and shoppers probably found a way around the ban--or decamped to Bahrain where life is not so restrictive!

I have never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day, except for conversation hearts!  It really is a manufactured commercial attempt to sell stuff and I probably would not have even noticed that there was nothing missing, had I not heard about the ban.  Just one more quirk of life overseas!

How it Works in Saudi

It's the Golden Ticket!

This little gem is my iqama and getting it is a BIG deal.  Your iqama is your ticket to being a human entity in Saudi.  It can take a month to get one, so getting mine in a week has made life much more enjoyable.  Without your iqama you can't get a phone, internet, cable, a bank account or a visa to leave the country.

Saudi's bureaucracy may be bigger than either China or Tanzania.  As in any country, some companies have pull (wasta) that makes things happen more quickly.   Here's how it goes...

First, you have to apply for an entry visa.  The paperwork is astounding and mystifying.  It has to pass through a visa agency (whom you've paid to "manage" your application), then the Cultural Mission, and finally the Embassy.  One of the things we had to do was provide official transcripts and copies of our college degrees and diplomas.  Then, we had to go online to a company and pay to have them certify that we did in fact attend those schools.  THEN, we had to have each college write a letter saying that we did in fact attend the school and did not receive an online degree.  And that was one small piece!

When you finally get your visa, you're off to the Kingdom!  Within a couple of days of landing, you have to repeat the entire medical checkup that you just completed and submitted for the visa application in order to get your iqama.  Our school provided us a short-term internet connection and our TV had 3-4 channels.  They also took us to a bank to get our first check cashed and provided us with start-up funds.  Because you can't get a SIM card, I was hesitant to go out on my own with a taxi or driver.

After a week, I had my iqama--very quickly!  I ran out and got my phone, my internet, and my cable, so life is now more comfortable.  Still no bank account, as I'm waiting for some mysterious letter that I need to bring with me to the bank.  Now it's time for the next round of paper, because you need the iqama to process your entry/exit visa.  As of right now, I can't leave the country because I don't have my passport or a visa.  That process takes about 3 weeks, so by the first week in November, I'll be able to leave the country.  Since Bahrain is only an hour away by car--and filled with choice goodies such as bacon, booze, and movies, I'm kind of looking forward to being able to go over!

Also now that i have my iqama, I can start to process the application for Cameron's visitor visa.  THAT requires a whole new set of documents and can take 2 months at least.  It's very doubtful that he'll have his visa in time to be here at Christmas.  It also means that by the time Mark and the kids arrive, they will not have all of their documents processed in time to leave Saudi for Christmas, so it seems that we won't be spending Christmas as a family this year--a year that we desperately need to be together!  Mark and the kids can't leave, Cameron can't come, and I'm the only one who can travel.  SIGH.

By the way, you have to renew your iqama every year, and while it's being renewed, you can't leave the country and they freeze your bank account.  You get to renew your visa twice a year, meaning for those couple months, you also can't leave the country.

They make it very hard to get in--and very hard to get out!

What to Wear?

One of the things that people asked a lot about was how I would feel about wearing an abaya, the long black robes that are required in Saudi for all women.  In Saudi, the abaya is black, although I have seen some with black lace and a colored underlayer, or a very dark blue.  The bling comes on the trim--lace, beading, embroidery, etc. that can make them more interesting.  I saw an Asian woman wearing one with obviously Hmong trim, and I've Indian women wearing them with distinctive trim as well, so I think you can customize them at a tailor.  I wish I had some Chinese silk or weavings to add to mine!

The truth is, it's really not that bad.  If the choice is to cover up by wearing pants and long sleeved shirts, or wearing shorts and a tank top and throwing on an abaya when it's 100+ degrees out, the abaya wins.  Think of your graduation robes, but longer, since they have to brush the ground.  I spend time wondering how I'm supposed to survive the escalator (or stairs) without raising the hem too high, or remembering to not hike it up over my knees when I'm sitting in public.   It's also a constant challenge to keep your sleeves out of the food at a restaurant, since you can't just roll them up!

There is a verse in the Quran that says,  "O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters, and the believing women, to cover themselves with a loose garment. They will thus be recognized and no harm will come to them."  I'm not sure what "recognized" means in that verse--maybe recognized that they are in fact women--but you do feel invisible.  Little black ghosts floating through the mall.  Foreign women do not have to cover their heads, but the Muslim women do--and many (most?) do cover their faces.   Given that shopping seems to be an Olympic sport here, I assume that many of them are tricked out underneath, but it's impossible to even tell someone's age, let along what they might be wearing.


Saudi men also wear robes, called thwbs (thobes). It's eye-catching to walk into a bank or a store and see every employee wearing white robes and a red head covering!  I've seen so many Arabic-looking men wearing Western clothes and wondered if it was just a preference, but I was told that Saudi men are supposed to wear the traditional clothing, and the men that aren't are likely not Saudis.  

Children can wear Western clothing--girls start to wear abayas about the time they become teenagers. 

The mutawa are the religious police, charged with making sure that everyone follows the Islamic laws.  That covers everything from how you dress and behave, shop closings during prayers, watching for banned food, drink, and media products, and preventing the promotion of any other religion but Islam.  Even Saudi men can be stopped for not wearing the traditional clothing.  Foreigners are not exempt, although all my colleagues say they have never been stopped, although some have had a man tell them (or actually, they tell the husband) to cover their heads (I carry a scarf in my purse, just in case).  There seems, then, to be an understanding that it's generally OK for non-Muslim women to leave their heads uncovered.  Western men, of course, romp around in (knee-length) shorts and t-shirts.  They're lucky, I guess, although to for me to go out wearing my regular hot weather clothes, surrounded by women in abayas, would make me feel uncomfortable! At work, on our compound, and on the bus to and from school, we don't have to wear them (and the bus has curtains to prevent us from being seen).

First Days, First Impressions

Day 4 in Saudi and you may have noticed that there is a dearth of interesting photos of our new home.  That’s because…well, I haven’t really seen that much.  And I’m finding it hard to see what to photograph.  Of course, people are the most interesting subjects, but I’m very hesitant to photograph anyone.   I’ve been out and about a bit each day, and have some very early impressions.

Clothing—Yes, I wear the abaya, and it’s really not that bad.  You can wear whatever you want   Mine is still a tiny bit short, so my next one I’ll get so it actually drags on the ground.  I don’t have to wear a head covering, but I do bring one in my bag, just in case someone would make an issue of it.  It is interesting how the black abaya (and often covered faces) make people invisible.  Today I was in the older part of town and saw a woman wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt and already she stood out in my eyes!  Women are indistinguishable, so you don’t notice them (so I guess, mission accomplished, men).  Men wear either Western clothing or the white robes, often with the red headscarves.  In the compound and at school I can wear whatever I want, although at school there are no uncovered shoulders. 

A decorative version of face masks worn at weddings.

underneath and when everyone’s doing it, you’d feel strange if you didn’t have one on!

Weather—Yes, it is HOT.  And surprisingly humid, although I’ve noticed it most in the morning and after the sun goes down, so that would be fine.  You definitely want to get most of your things done before noon and after 3.  But even wearing the abaya, I’m not overly hot and not sweaty.  The pool is like a bathtub, but I’m able to lay out for a bit and not sweat.  They say that by November the pool will be too chilly to swim in.  Hard to believe—I guess the weather by November to April is very nice.

Activities—Hmmmm…no idea.  The heat does factor into outdoor activities.  It’s strange to live on the coast, but not be able to be at the beach and swim.  There is a private beach, I guess, and for $60 or so per person, you can use it.  Yikes.  I expect I won’t see many locals running (although I guess some teachers do), the abaya prevents women from running on the roads and I haven’t seen any bikes (women are allowed to bike here, but not for a specific purpose, such as shopping).  Desert camping is a popular activity here—Mark and Ava are crazy about camping, and it’s something we can do as a family.

Shopping—THIS is obviously an activity!  If there were any anti-Western sentiments, it doesn’t extend to things you can buy.  My biggest surprise was a real Pottery Barn and Pottery Barn Kids!  Additionally, Gap, H&M, and Ikea can help you stay looking good and living well.  Malls are   There is also an old-town that looks a little like Dar es Salaam or Arusha—little storefront shops with metal grates, streets that sell hardware, streets that sell computers, etc.  Some haggling is permitted there.  Prices are higher than in China.  Some things might be worth spending the $ on, others you can tell the quality is not great for what you’re paying.  But you can get it all here—including very fancy lingerie—although some of those sections are hidden behind frosted glass.
shiny and new and not “off” like the big glitzy EMPTY ones in Beijing.

Eating—Again, welcome to the mall!  Outback, Fuddruckers, Red Lobster, Hardees, McDonalds, Burger King, Popeye’s, KFC, Chilis, Applebees, Baskin Robbins, Starbucks, Krispy Kreme…all right close by.  All of the workers here seem to be Indian, Filipino, Pakistani, etc., so there must be places where they eat, but I haven’t seen too many.  One of the issues is that there has to be a family section in the restaurant or women can’t go in, so that may limit a bit of where we can go.  Maybe Mark will run out and get stuff—it’s strange to think that we don’t have to make that crazy commute into Beijing for things we want anymore!

I love the name of the grocery store near our compound—Hyper Panda!  There is a supermarket called Tamimi, which is a Safeway (and pricier), and at either one you can get just about anything you want.  You do want to watch the labels, though—I saw a bag of Dole salad for $12 because it was organic and imported!  The one thing that seems to be missing is tortilla chips (which people get from Chilis).  There’s much more Western and American food here than in Beijing.   There’s tons of olives, yummy soft cheeses, interesting crackers, and decent bread.

Living—We have a gated compound with reinforced gates and armed guards.  The compound is quite small, only about 36 houses, and the houses are big, much bigger than our house in Beijing (I think maybe 3,000 square feet).  We have 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and 2 living rooms.  The furniture right now is minimal (and pretty ugly), but it’ll do.  I have a real washer and dryer that work great so that’s wonderful!  We have a backyard that we share and the grass is terrible—one of the things that can keep us busy is working with the gardeners to keep some things whipped into shape.  We’ll have a housekeeper, but not full-time.  Some people have a full-time live-in help and I think you have to pay for their visas and sponsor them that way.  We will hire another teacher’s live-in, or find someon 

This pool and I will be best friends!

e to do bathrooms, floors and iron.

Driving—People drive big American SUVs…Explorers and Expeditions, Tahoes, Suburbans, etc.  Gas is…get this, $10 to fill a tank for one of those babies!  Women can’t drive, of course, and while I think that will be annoying, it will be more bothersome for Mark, who will have to chauffeur me around along with the children.  Taxis can be called, and once I have a phone (I need my residence card to get a SIM card) I’ll feel more comfortable going out on my own.  It’s not as crowded as Beijing, but drivers are much more aggressive here.

Family—Mark is hoping to apply for his visa this week.  He needs to make sure his blood levels are within the normal range and get some boosters for vaccinations.  With any luck, he will be approved quicker because I’m already here!  The kids will hopefully come with him as well (they can come when I get my iqama).  I will start the iqama process this week as well, and hopefully within a month that will come through.  Until then, I’m flying solo…and not liking it too much!

Cultural Awakenings.

When you live overseas, even after 7 years (ack, has it really been that long?) you will find yourself confronted with cultural...incompatabilities. I have known a few people that really have become culturally assimilated into a new culture, but for most of us...even though you become very flexible and patient when things don't go the way you expect (or think they should), there are times when you throw up your hands and say, "I will NEVER understand this."

For me in China, it's driving. Driving is an exercise that challenges every single notion of whatever seems organized and predictable and regular. It challenges every bit of patience and self-control. It is wonderful to be able to drive because it does give you a lot of freedom, but I still hire drivers and take cabs into the city sometimes, due to traffic and parking headaches. If you don't know where you're going and you get lost, it is a looooooong time to get straightened out.

There are 22 million people and some 6 million cars. Beijing does have fantastic roads, considering they were built when there were hardly any cars on the streets, and Beijing does have actual rules and regulations for safe driving (I know, I did take the test and know exactly what to do if I'm in an accident and my passenger has become somehow disemboweled--I get a bowl and place it over my friend's stomach so I can contain the intestines). Beijingers often drive the way you might walk or ride a bike--at variable speeds (a freeway can have people driving 90+ mph and 35 mph--in the same lane...and you can back up if you miss an exit).

The horn is essential and you must use it all. the. time. Back home, the horn, aside from that friendly "beep" reminding you that the light is green, signifies a pretty big misstep--changing lanes without looking, cutting someone off, etc. Here, the horn is applied when you come up behind someone, when you are turning, when you see someone else turning, when you see a bike/scooter/pedestrian, when you are passing, when you are being passed...you get the idea. Using your blinker is optional, and rather pointless, since no one will pay attention to it. Turning may be accomplished whenever you think of it, from whatever lane you happen to be in. Not sure what to do? Just stop and think about it. It's OK if you're in the middle of a lane. Or an intersection. Or a driveway. We can drive around you because using the oncoming lane is always a viable option.


In America we spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about other people. Don't take too much, there might be others. Don't stand so close, the other person might feel uncomfortable. Defensive driving is all about thinking about the other person. In China, it is all about me. If there is an inch between me and the car in front of me, then a car will definitely swerve in, forcing me to brake (hard). It's OK, because it's my responsibility to get out of his way. If I'm turning onto a road, I don't have to look, because it's the responsibility of the oncoming car to see me turning and slow down or get out of the way. It's taken 3 years, but I've finally figured out the rules and expectations (which have nothing to do with the driving exam questions I learned).

There has been NOTHING living overseas that has inspired more ill feelings toward my host country or put me in a sweaty fit than driving. I never was a tense or frustrated driver, but here....grrrrr. Never in my life have I choked back so much profanity! It amuses me to think that something so silly as how people drive sparks such a reaction--I think it's because when I'm in the car, I'm going somewhere and it's then that I miss the ability to be efficient and get so much done on an outing, ala America. EVERYTHING takes so long and EVERYWHERE we go, it's in a monstrous crowd, whether it's on a freeway or in a shop. When in Rome, though...so I do what I need to, because driving by "my" rules won't get my anywhere--literally. Watch out!

Panjiyuan

Panjiyuan is also known as the Dirt Market. In the "olden days" (which here can mean 50 years ago--or 5) the market was in a space with no pavement...now it's been spruced up. For some reason it doesn't make the top of the lists for tourists, but it should. While the Pearl Market and the Silk Market have all the electronics and knock-offs, the Dirt Market has all the trinkets and "real" antiques (haha--things that are made antique by burying stuff in the ground and letting it age for a bit). Some things are old, though--I think it's funny when I'm told that "no, this is not old, only 150 years" because to a people whose culture is 5,000 years old, it is new!

The dirt market is only open on the weekends and best early in the morning. It's busy and crowded and there's always something unusual to see. Like this:

Man's best friend(s)...FOREVER. And a rabbit. Today several people were selling furs outside the main entrance. I really don't know what kind of furs they are, but many of them are clearly dyed and painted to look exotic. I suppose some of them might be dogs, but I couldn't tell, and they absolutely would not let me take pictures. The expression on this black dog, however...he does seem completely astonished to find himself in such a state.

We also saw a guy getting thrashed by two other guys, who were kicking and punching the snot out of him. I wondered if he was a thief...but he was really getting a beating. As we walked on, we saw security guards running over there, but they all looked about 16 in their faded baggy uniforms. I wondered if they would have any authority to stop things. When we lived in Tanzania, we saw thieves beaten terribly and knew that often they would be killed. I haven't seen as much of that here, but obviously, being caught stealing is taken seriously by people on their own.

Roasted sweet potatoes mean fall in Beijing. I don't like sweet potatoes...but the smell of them baking is heavenly!

The lanterns are thin fabric and wire like chicken wire. So so cute hanging in groups from a ceiling. Mark has them in his reception space and I love them.

Already learning the requesite photo pose.

The Dirt Market is one of the places to see a few of the minority cultures. China has a lot of different ethnic groups but the Han are by far the most numerous. This woman is Miao...her long long long hair is very recognizable. They sell a lot of textiles, some of them looking a lot like Hmong fabric--and amazing silver work, like this:

These necklaces look heavy, but they're very light--the silver is so thin.

A lot of monks were shopping that morning--I always snoop and eavesdrop on what the Chinese are buying--and how much they're paying! Haggling is a challenge here--prices do not come down easily or quickly.

Relics of a bygone era...some of the clocks are old, but the toys are not. Still, looking at them reminds me of the 1950's...these booths have such a nostalgic feel. The toys are very popular--there's always a crowd around his table.

If you come to visit, we'll take you shopping...it's great!

Scenes from the Jing--courtesy of Instagram.

There is so much beauty in small things...these are from my new iTouch. I used an app called "Instagram." It's a visual Twitter--instead of tweeting your 140 characters, you use photos to "comment" on what you're doing. Ava's teacher last year is incredibly visual and has a fantastic eye. Her instagrams are like works of art. I don't have anyone following me--I just love the filters you can apply. A lot of them make your photos look older or faded and some of them have those old photo borders on them.

The Price of Things

Everyone always wants to know if it's expensive living overseas. Yes--and no. Some things make living overseas easy--a lot of our expenses that would be out of pocket are covered as part of our work contracts. There are perks in many countries like affordable domestic help that definitely make life easier. Things that locals eat, especially if you buy them at local shops or markets--rice, fruits, vegetables, some meats--are cheaper.

Some other things are similar in some respects, but because we have more disposable income (because of the expenses our contracts cover), we can do them. Lots of restaurants charge American prices (and no refills!) but at a Chinese restaurant, even one in our expat area, we can eat and drink as a family of 5 for less than $50. Movie tickets are about $10 per person, but since China only allows 25 foreign movies per year, there aren't a lot of times we go--besides, you can buy a DVD for about $1.50.

Other things are more--gas right now is running between $7-8 per gallon. Ouch--but when the weather is nice we hardly ever drive the car (we use bikes and the scooter) and we don't have to drive very far (less than 2 miles) for work or daily activities. Obviously, the traveling that we do each year at Christmas is our major expense--and our summer costs are quite high since we don't have a house to live in.

Everyone goggles at the amount of luggage we carry back each summer--we buy almost all our clothes and personal toiletries back in the States. Clothing is very expensive here--if you buy at the markets, you have to bargain for everything, the prices are still high, the sizes are small, and the quality can be quite shoddy. Some local toiletry items are fine, but I just miss the scents and feel of some favorite things. Others are really pricy--I just saw L'Oreal kids' shampoo for $9.00 (!) today at the store. Anything that is not locally produced is much higher in price. Generally you can take the RMB price and divide by 7, then add a bit more to figure the USD price.

Hey. We're Minnesotans, and sometimes you do need a can of cream-of-something soup, even if you are paying $2 for it. And sometimes you just need a bowl of Double Noodle. Or Chef Boy-ar-dee Beefaroni. Stop judging me.

These babies show up often at our house--at over $3 a bag, they get eaten way too fast. And not by me (NOAH and CAMERON).

What is up with cereal products? For some reason, they are GOLD. Like this $8 box of oatmeal. Cereal is the same price. Even Malt-o-Meal. And the small box, not those family size boxes, either.

Luckily you can't tell when sour cream goes bad because you have to have it for tacos and the almost $5 price tag is for the yogurt-sized containers.

No more hot artichoke dip for me--to the dismay of my book club (honestly, one of the perks of living overseas is that perfectly ordinary things like broccoli salad and hot artichoke dip become fantastically original dishes). They used to sell larger cans for $4, but these petite jars at $10 make that yummy dip a thing of the past.

Other things we regularly buy--potato chips (the smaller bags) at $4-5 a bag, salsa (same price), and pasta ($3-4 per box). Sometimes we go in streaks--absolutely no cereal forEVER, then a few boxes find their way home. Bringing all that stuff back, at least for us, is not about not accepting life overseas--it's time and money management.

So You Were Saying You Want More China?

Photo by Weda Bory

Here it is...a colleague captured this lovely and not atypical moment. On the brand-new subway line that just opened last spring. So maybe you want to bring your Wellies if you come to visit. Just in case.

I've Taken a Big Swig of THIS..

I am in a serious funk, so I've been ignoring the blog. I've lost the focus, and I'm feeling very uninteresting at this point in my life. I'm completely NOT enamored with China and I feel ordinary--ordinary in a way that makes it hard for me to think about what to write about. I feel like I've been nipping from the bottle.

I am seriously over China. I'm hiking here...

Instead of hiking here...

Seriously, 1 billion people is a LOT of people. And they are every. single. place. you go. I love a certain hustle and bustle...Christmas shopping. Disneyland. But I feel like you can just never get away from anything here. People who throw trash, who poop and pee and spit all over. ICK. There's just too many people.

Instead of looking at this...

Or this... I get to look at this...

I have moments where I wonder how I'll react when one of my kids announces they have some strange lung disease from breathing the putrid air.

I don't have a home. Or family nearby. My friend in Bangladesh had a tough parenting week and asked me "are we doing the right thing?" and I answered with a resounding "YES". But the life we've chosen means we are cognizant of what we've left behind. We know we made a choice, which means we may have chosen wrong. If we had stayed at home having our parenting fails on familiar turf, we wouldn't be aware of what that "other" really is. It's not something we imagine--it's a real life with real people. And we miss that.

I'm so lucky to be a teacher. I spend my day with fantastic kids at an outstanding school supported by incredible colleagues. I am blessed to be able to do something I love to do, instead of something I have to do. But right now I just don't want to be a working person.

And I worry. I worry far too much. It passes the time, but accomplishes nothing. It eats away at me, and not one single thing is better because I've worried about it. Here's a sampling of the playlist...

*I'm not satisfied with my church and if I'm just lazy because I won't drive into the city to see if there's a better one.

*How I'm going to pay for the college I know Cameron's going to choose. Actually, it won't matter what he chooses--in-state tuition doesn't exist for us anymore.

*Where we're going to live this summer. And next summer. And the summer after that.

*Why I lack discipline. I fall asleep while praying all the time. I canNOT exercise. I cram my Bible study in Monday and Tuesday nights instead of working a bit each night. I excel at watching American Idol and Glee, though. And Red Vines.

*What will happen with Noah--are we doing too much? Should we be letting him fail more? Are we doing it wrong with the best of intentions?

*What in the world are we gong to do after Beijing? Because I canNOT be staying here much longer.

And now it's time to stop. Because I'm ungrateful and whiny. And I can go on to list all the amazing things in my life right now because there are so very many and I suppose if I had any discipline or the right sort of outlook, I'd be listing those instead of these. But it's where I'm at this week or month. I'll do a list of all the great things about my life soon. Probably soon. Soonish.