A prayer from Mark

Hello all,

p.s. I sat to write this as a description of my life here so far, but I think it actually came out as a prayer.

I realize that you all have not heard from me for quite a while and I apologize for that. I have let Carla carry the load of recording our adventures and emotions. I know you all agree that she has done a superb job of it too.

It is almost the one-yeare anniversary date of my mass-voice mail message to the teachers and staff at MMW that I was leaving Minnetonka to come to Africa, and almost six months since we have arrived here. As I look back on this year, it seems a life time, not the usual blur that is the passing of a year. I really wonder sometimes who I am becoming, but I know that I am being transformed. When it is not scary, it is the most exciting time of learning and growth that I have had in my life. If you could see me, maybe you would recognize me, maybe you wouldn’t.

Let me tell a couple of stories to illustrate the changes that are happening in me/too me/for me. Without remorse, fear or timidity, the most important stories have to do with the ways that my faith in God is being strengthened by this time here.

For much of my life, I have pursued notice, affirmation, praise, reward, attention with the zeal of a workaholic. Those of you who know me well can well remember times when these selfish desires manifested themselves as controlling behaviors, or over-speaking when I should have been listening, or impatience with those who weren’t on board with what ever my idea was, and a bitter biting sarcastic tongue for those who I felt had what I wanted, and etc. I realize that this was not my whole character, and don’t want to misrepresent myself, but when I pray for forgiveness in my life, it is for the kinds of things listed above. When I am feeling judgmental toward others, I will say things like “you can tell a persons character by how he responds to challenge/stress/difference of opinion”. Unfortunately, this phrase has condemned me as quickly as it condemned the person I was hoping to hang with it.

So, if my character (one of competition, judgment toward others, selfishness) is being exposed by moving to Africa, how and why and what will I do about it seems to need answering. God has not challenged me with my prideful and sinful nature directly, but has shown me clearly that He is worth pursuing, not that which I thought was important before. I find it nearly impossible now to count the times that God has answered my prayers in direct and clear ways. With all the bravado of Gideon, I even prayed last fall “God, I don’t want to be seem to self-important, but if your really want me to go to Africa, it would be nice to if this fleece was dry tomorrow while the ground was wet around it.” The next day, a woman we know who was born and raised in Tanzania called to talk to Carla and told her that she had awakened during the night with this sense that God wanted her to pray for us and to give us a call the next day. So she had prayed and then called, but wondered if we knew what He might have been meaning. This call was when she learned that we were making plans to go to Tanzania.

This weekend, more of our things were stolen, and I recall the story of Gideon again. Gideon built up an army of 10,000, but God made him send all away who set down their weapons to drink, leaving him with only God and a few hundred soldiers with which to fight the battle because God wanted Gideon to recognize that God had provided the victory. God wants me to put my trust in HIM, not in what I can acquire. He wants me to look to him, to give him the glory when it goes well, not seek it for myself. He wants me to trust His promise that he knows all challenges known to man, but promises not to allow a challenge too great for me to handle, and He promises to always provide the strength to do it. I was quite worried about my role of judge and jury over these stolen items, but God was concerned about my salvation. I felt alone and discouraged, but He provided strength, encouragement, and support. Through the miracle of modern technology, many of you knew of our struggles. The prayers and emails of support today have been almost overwhelming. God also let this incident happen when He knew our good God-fearing friends would be with us to offer direct support, encouragement, prayers, and guidance. And, God is teaching me an important lesson related to my sinful nature here as well. When I sought glory for myself, I usually took it by causing pain to others. When I look to him for his support, He gives me a reward (peace and encouragement) that is far sweeter than those false ribbons and trophy’s I have spent my live pursuing.

The other thing that has been happening to me is that God has been affirming the skills, talents, experiences that He has provided me. I hear God say to me “Mark, through me you are able to support the ministry of others. (He has provided many opportunities already for me to be the role of supporter and encourager) You are able to help others see Me and understand Me (and I’ll prove it to you by having you preach to this congregation of missionaries in two weeks). You are capable of facing great challenges, of assuring that the right thing is done, even if it has great personal risk to you to do so. Mark, I called you here.” He has comforted and affirmed me in ways I either never knew before, or I that ignored the messages He was sending while I sought affirmation from the wrong sources.

Now, please don’t be mistaken here. I am still too quick with a judgmental comment, with MY answer, with my self-righteous anger, etc… Like Paul, I continue to do what I don’t want to do, even when I know better. Maybe I’ll never completely throw off the pursuit of human affirmation, but I am being taught here that my faith is real, that my God is real, that His work in me and in the world is real. I am frustrated by my how little I know about Tanzania now, about what it will really take to get Peace House Academy off the ground. But one Tanzanian here gave me a pretty good clue as to HOW to do it when he asked me, “Mark, do you pray about the school?”

So, everything I know about the world has been stripped away. Everything is different and strange now, but I am able to see Him and therefore, myself more clearly. You ask, what is the lesson of my adventure to Africa so far? Trust God, and when I forget, I know that He will remind me again.

I pray that you see and know God so that we can encourage each other to pursue Him. Please continue to pray for us as we are for you.

Mark