Worst. Book. EVER.

Seriously, this really is. Somtimes a book is so bad a person should actually read it to see for themselves, but this...it can barely be called a book. I guess if a person can string words into coherent sentences for multiple pages then the term "book" can be applied...

I should have turned to the forward before whipping out the credit card at the airport. The author rhapsodizes about the Keira Knightley film version of Pride and Prejudicie, freely admitting she knew nothing about the story beforehand. Then, she went on to read the book and pine over the eternal (and imho irritating) question of "what happened next?" See, if a novel is GOOD, you don't have to do that. You are left with the satisfying knowledge that the characters go on in peace and happiness. In fact, Austen actually has the good sense to tell us that. I didn't realize how many people took this "what happened next" thing to such levels until the Harry Potter series ended and people were bitterly upset at the epilogue (which I thought pandered to these people anyway). Apparently there were legions who demanded to know every minute detail about every single character--who married whom, what their kids did, what jobs they had, did they get on with their in-laws, yadda yadda yadda. Sheesh.


My very favorite book Gone with the Wind suffered with the publication of the sequel Scarlett. I ran right out to buy and read it and was horrified. Then I re-read it and realized that once Scarlett left Atlanta (and the author wasn't piggy-backing onto the original) the story was actually pretty good. The key was that the characters moved into a completely new setting, which allowed them to grow beyond the people they were. They became almost different people and the break from GWTW made it work for me.


Not so this travesty. First of all, they consummate their marriage like bunnies. And while I'm sure there were many happy active bunnies back in the day, I really don't need to read about it on every. single. page. Every they see each other. Come on...once or twice a day for EVERY DAY for 4 MONTHS? In what I suppose the author imagines to be a Austen-like style descriptions are circumspect--but the result is boring. The rest of Elizabeth's transition as the Mistress of Pemberley is covered in a way I work with my 4th and 5th graders every day to avoid. "Don't tell me what happened," I say. "Show me." Someone should have told and shown and then beaten the author silly with this point. Every single event that does not take place horizontally is glossed over, I suppose so the passionate Darcys can get back to making whoopee. Both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are reduced to the kind of sit-com couples that say "I love you more." "No, I love you more." "No, I love you more."


Does anyone really want to hear any of the following about these two people?



"Oh, William, you're so so cute!" (heehee--maybe he's also bitchin' cool)

He sank with balletic grace onto the bearskin rug, the heat from the fire warming his loins. (Yes, there is a bearskin rug, a fireplace, and several plump pillows featured prominently in many of the scenes)

"My dearest Lizzy, allow me to nibble your most delicious neck." (I'm pretty sure Mr. Darcy would never utter the word "nibble")

In addition we learn that Lizzy is too silly for math and that she can do an admirable striptease. Mr. Darcy displays prowess in both figure skating and at the violin. He is also frequently giddy and silly, often pushing the bounds of propriety, overwhelmed as he is with his love for his new bride. There's even an opportunity for a duel after the local blackguard chases Lizzy and causes her to fall down into a ravine where she lays undiscovered for hours.

Throughout all of this, both Lizzy and Mr. Darcy repeat ad nauseum how much they love and worship and adore and can't live without each other. She can't shut up about his chest and shoulders and height. He can't get off (literally and figuratively) her figure, her hair, her skin, her eyes, the absolute wonder that he landed her. It quickly develops overtones of desperation, as if the author is worried we aren't getting it.

The worst part was at the end where I was treated to an excerpt from the next book. The author blurb says that Ms.Lathan is a homemaker and a nurse. For the sake of her patients I can only hope that her nursing skills far surpass her writing skills.


I suppose if I've piqued your interest, you'll go ahead and read it, but do get it at the library so you don't have to pay. But don't say I didn't warn you--you won't ever get that time back.


Cameron recommended another P and P followup. I think his choice would have been better. At least this guy wouldn't expect me to take it seriously. Plus, I have the suspicion that there would be less romping and more zombie-stomping and I do love me some zombies. I think when push came to shove Elizabeth would more than hold her own against a zombie horde.