A Question of Faith.

It's official. I now attend a church in where people put their hands up in the air.

That's a big deal for us, believe me, lifelong Lutherans that we are. It's a "praise and worship church", what I would call non-denominational or "conservative" in the States, the kind of church I would be very unlikely to attend because I don't believe churches should be in the business of telling me who to vote for or what to vote on. Among other things. But that's where I am now, in large part because the political stuff is not an issue when everyone comes from someplace else. When you go to church, it's about God.

We chose the church because it's very close to where we live. The other two churches (one a Lutheran/Methodist type and the other a big non-denom) are both in the city, about a 30 minute drive. That means most of the activities for youth are also in the city. And that means we have to drive then, too. Plus, I feel very strongly about working, going to school, and worshipping as much as possible all in the same community. This church has a fantastic teen program that we are profoundly grateful for. The kids enjoy the structure of Sunday School more than the way they've attended before. All the people live in our community and in compounds near us and the kids for the most part go to the schools in the area as well.

But...(isn't there always a "but"? there is for me, anyway)

First of all, it's a praise and worship service. Meaning that that's what you do. Praise God. There isn't a liturgy so most of the service involves singing contemporary Christian songs and praying, maybe hearing some Bible passages and then a message at the end. And sometimes, well, it just seems to go on. And on. The songs are selected and repeated at key points to invoke specific emotional responses. You are supposed to be praising God and drawing closer to Him and thanking Him and knowing He is the source of everything. It's just sometimes it gets boring. There. I said it. Repeating a line of a song 10-12 times doesn't seem to be drawing me closer. It does, however, allow me some time to think about what's for lunch.

I love the liturgy. For every person that says they feel like they are reciting antiquated words that don't mean anything (or my friend who said it felt like she was in a courtroom), I feel such a sense of peace. Reciting a creed or a prayer in unison brings a sense of community, of connecting to churches in time past. I do reflect on what the words say, and what they mean to me. I love contemporary Christian music but on CHRISTMAS EVE we sang contemporary Christian songs. NO CAROLS. I love the seasons of the church and look forward to the different songs and messages that that time brings. No Lent or Advent anymore.

Several years ago our church did a survey, similar to a personality or learning styles survey, about the type of church worshipper you are. No surprise that I fell on the opposite end of the praise church setup.

But...I can get used to all that. Really. You can't afford to be choosy about a lot of things when you live overseas and that includes your church.

But...what if the thought often occurs to me that, given the same time frame the pastor had to put together a message, I could do just as well? Because I think I could. That says nothing about any talent I may have and a whole lot about the depth and organization of the message (which, in these churches is also constructed differently than in a Lutheran church, but organization and development are applicable to most types of communication). The church's motto is "Great friends, inspiring music, helpful teaching." Doesn't that seem a little...soft? Flat? Ummm...not particularly connected to faith? The church does have a pretty clearly defined statement of belief...it's just not reflected in the tagline.

Fear not. I won't ever come knocking on your door to slip you a few tracts. I won't ask you if you've been born again, or where you're going to be when the last trumpet sounds. That's not my style. But I'm not ashamed of my faith. I want my church to proclaim what it stands for clearly and confidently. I want a message that will challenge what I've been doing and thinking and remind me where to set my eyes and feet in the coming week. I need to be reminded and reassured of God's promises. Am I lazy because I want to stay at a church that is convenient even if the message and service aren't really meeting my needs? Should I truck into town (adding over an hour of just commuting time) knowing that I won't participate in things because I'm not going to drive in any other time of the week? Is this just me being too picky and negative and I need to work on my attitude because 250 people seem to be all about this church on Sundays and why is it that I'm not? It's not just the style of worship--that I can work with. I just don't think the church really has a clear confident image of itself (hence the motto) and I'm not getting what I need when I go, so I end up feeling flat and a bit like an imposter there. And to be very fair...I don't know that that's how others feel. So many people around me seem to be getting what they need.

Is it just me? And if so, what should I do?