Trust.

Friends we have just met are leaving Beijing this summer under circumstances we are very familiar with, as they are very similar to the situation we found ourselves in when we made the decision to leave Tanzania. They will be heading back to the States--they have no job as yet, no house, no car, no idea where they are going to go to start the next phase of their lives. I am feeling (selfishly) sad because I really like her and her family and I think we would have become very good friends. She is one person that I felt I really connected with here.

When we made the decision to leave Tanzania, we did so not knowing what we were going to do. We didn't want to return to the States, and we had passed the optimum time for Mark to look for work. Our house was rented out and we didn't have a car. It was a very frightening time, thinking of a very unkown future. Then, ISB sent an unsolicited email. Another round of uncertainties ensued as Mark worked through the interview process. It was the only contact for a job that we received, a job that also had a job for me. It was a blessing.

We have met some more new friends here from all walks of life. Missionary kids who grew up overseas, people who have suffered neglect, dysfunction, and pain in their lives. Some were raised as Christians, others fell away and then have returned. What we all have in common is a set of experiences that have led us to our spouses, to jobs, to opportunities that brought us to a place in time. I guess they could be called serendipitous, or coincidence, but those words fall flat in the face of the stories I've heard. How else to explain how doors have opened, how obstacles have been overcome, how life has evolved?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

I wish I listened to this verse more. I have been reminded again and again that I have never been promised an easy life, a life free from hardship or pain. I have been promised a path through difficult times. I have been promised that I will not be forgotten during those times. I have been promised a way that will bring blessings and joy and peace--if I can let go and simply lean on God, rather than relying on my own imperfect way.

I know my new friend will not have an easy time these next few months. I know that she wishes with all her heart that there was a different, easier path. I know she also knows that it's OK to be angry and sad and scared and that it's possible to feel all those things and still trust God to show her the way. I know because I've been there. I know because in those times when I had nothing to fall back on, I realized that "nothing" was whatever I could muster on my own. I have always had "something", and that something has been far far greater than what I can do on my own. I'm a poor witness those those that would snort or say "Well, that's all well and good for her to think that way..." I'm a poor study as well--I struggle with daily, even after the things I have heard and experienced. I suspect it does not come easily to most people, this idea of letting go. I am amazed and humbled when I hear stories of events that should not have happened, of situations that should have been devastating. I have no other explanation--it is the hand of God and His love that guides us along the way.