Things I Really Really Don’t Like

Well, there’s really just one. I so dislike being new and starting over. Some might think I might have thought of this before I pick up my family and move around. But it’s true. People always laugh when I say that Mark and I are introverted—but it really is true. Although Mark has a much greater need to build relationships than I do, both of us really are introverted by nature—we don’t like to be out and about a lot, we don’t like crowds and parties and lots of people, and we need a certain amount of downtime in order to survive.

I really am so tired of being new, of the effort it takes to get anything done, of the effort it takes to get to know people, of feeling like an outsider. Being invited to dinner reminds me that we are starting over with new people, even though I have a nice time and really like most of the people we meet. I don’t want to go to church because it reminds me that I don’t have a place and I’m starting over, even though I know how much I need to go. I don’t want to visit new places because it is so tiring to get places and buy things and find a place to eat. I’m tired of work—feeling behind, feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing, being new.

I’m sick today with a bad stomach, but I can’t figure out what I ate that made me so…funky. The weather is cold and rainy. In other words, a perfect day for self-pity. Mark is gone on a retreat today (to meet people, something I would never do) so I can't leave the kids to get my emotional pick-me-up--a foot massage and manicure.

I am NOT doing this again. No more moving. It’s here or the States. Remember I said that.